I can't remember the first time I had heard the song.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."
I can imagine I was in a bath tub, with soft baby skin and a crazy amount of black hair as you gently rubbed my body with a wash cloth. It was just me. Your only child. Your first. Your family had begun, and you sang your little love song over me.
"You make me happy, when skies are gray."
Or, was I young, with stringy brown pig tails and crooked teeth in my smile? Was my voice squeaky as I sang the words with you, twirling my hair in one finger and twisting my foot aimlessly on the ground?
"You'll never know dear, how much I'll love you."
Maybe you sang it more than I can remember. Though the words weren't heard, it was this song that I heard when I cut my knee on the concrete and you gave me the Nutcracker as an early Christmas present to make me feel better, this song that I heard when you congratulated me on my third grade poem award, and this song that I heard when you threw me a bowling party at 10. The sound of these words echoed as you did my make up for prom, cried at my graduation, and drove me to my first day at community college. And the song still continues to this day as you've helped me pay for my school, watched me mature into a young woman, and sat with me countless of times as I discuss pacemakers and heart medications with the doctor. You've always cared for my heart, in more ways than one. In this, I've often heard that song.
"Please don't take my sunshine away."
I can only imagine the emotional wars hidden beneath the walls of a mother's heart. You experience the joys of their birth and the pains of their first fall, cheering them on when they succeed and disciplining in frustration when they disappoint. And yet, your love remains, your grip seemingly getting tighter as they grow older. "Please don't take my sunshine away," your heart sings, deep down wanting to hold me again like the 8-1/2 pound bundle I was, longing to see me off to kindergarten again in my plaid uniform, and hoping for just one more birthday party juggled cupcakes to celebrate.
And yet, this is my song to you. Though in the past they were given expecting nothing in return, I finally can write them in a reciprocation long overdue.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know, Mom, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.
I cling to the memories of long ago and look in anticipation at what's ahead with you, a warming presence, by my side.
Love you, Mom.
Happy Birthday!
Liane

